Haiku Wars


Of all the complaints I get, the first is always, “I wish I could draw”.  Now I’ve tried to express to you time and time again that drawing skill is mostly unimportant and judged almost entirely upon opinion.  But since I try to be a problem solver, I’ve come up with a new way for you to participate.
Smith's Afanc

 So here’s the deal:


has to meet the following requirements:

  • three lines
  • gotta be 5-7-5 syllables
  • gotta mention a mythical beast
  • please use an asterisk instead of the vowel in any naughty words



have same rules as above but are are five lines and must follow the A-A-B-B-A Rhyme scheme.

Here’s a sample limerick ripped from wikipedia for inspiration:

The limerick packs laughs anatomical
In space that is quite economical,
But the good ones I’ve seen
So seldom are clean,
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

For now… please send submissions to:

Please email entries to

…and so it begins

Buggane Huddles Shamed
Illicit Night Pie Consumed
Then He Sh*ts Himself


There once was a unicorn named Fred
All the others wanted him dead
He was a huge f*ckin’ prick
enough to make ya sick
So they laced his oats with poison and lead


Nasty black ghoul farts
organ rot and cheap whiskey
ruins digestion


My pet Cerberus
He wags his happy snake tails
I hate picking up poop


Mermaids are sexy and merry
But trying to bed them makes me so weary
They swim so damned fast
I finally caught one at last
Only to find her name is actually Gary


Jurassic winged horse
White mane and scaly muzzle
A Pegasaurus!


Ode to the Minotaur:
Stubborn but hung well
Likes word jumbles and puzzles
Theseus sucks ass


The black devil of the sea we most feared
As he swallowed our boat he did sneer
“Leviathan!” we cry,
“Please don’t let us die!”
So he pooped us out whole and we cheered


Jewel-hoarding dragons love dancing
Circling their caves with their prancing
Flames shoot off the walls
Like gold disco balls
They just want some sexy romancing


Three headed hell hound
Nam-ed Past Present Future
Makes triple the poop


Cerberus needs home
Puppy mill busted in hell
Spay and neuter pets


Counting Cerebus’ heads should be easy
A little known fact will make you queasy
Turns out he’s really a bitch
That could never scratch that itch
So a fourth head remains, even tho she tries to be sleazy


Existence Denied
Imaginative Figment


The ghost consumes me
Eats my soul like a cancer
Will send me to he**

Ode to Sneurat

the master of seanist beasts
and a maker of the vegan-est feasts
her drawings quite rude
but offend not her dude
or else she will wake up deceased


Sat upon bones red.
Foul words doth quench appetite.
Here be Bloody Bones.

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