The Pollo Maligno

Columbia’s Hunter Devouring Evil Giant Chicken

So there’s technically very little info that I can find on this week’s beast, but it does have my requirement of at least two unique references on the internets… and really do I need to say much more than giant evil chicken? I certainly hope not.

According to wikipedia The Pollo Maligno is one of several mythical Columbian forest protectors. Who all seem to be targeted at a particular jungle altering type of human. The Evil Chicken, as he is also known, tends to exclusively persecute hunters, drawing them deep into the jungle and then simply devouring them leaving little to no trace… that’s kind of all I know… But I’m pretty sure with what we know about Columbia: their abundance of white drugs, cartels, neck ties and if i recall my movie locations properly, elite teams of muscular mercenaries dead set on doing battle with cloaked alien predators. And what we know about chickens: they’re delicious, feathery and in my experience adorably dimwitted. You should be able to piece something together!

Submissions Are Closed For Judgement!

our judgeOur Judge for Evil Chickens is Old Playboy buddy and red headed, motorbike riding, videographer extraordinaire, Thom Pfiffner. Talented, young, well humored, overstocked with silent letters and he no longer has that pesky gal bladder that holds so many of us back ;).

The Pollo Malingo Entry # 9

The First Place Pollo Malingo Entry

“and the rooster comes in the NIIIIGHHHTTTT” – haha dammit if there was childrens book about murderous chickens I’d vote that this would make a pretty impactful cover, I mean it’s got the popular and the familiar imagery with the full moon, and your mountain of skulls and the hook in silhouette that everyone thinks they knew but it’s never quite the case! … or if you want to go entirely the other way… call it “why won’t my friends wake up?….”

Judge’s Commentary – Had to go with this one for top billing! Pretty much brought me back to my childhood reading “scary” books for 4th graders, y’all read Bunnicula?

The Pollo Malingo Entry # 8

The Second Place Pollo Malingo Entry

Our artist was worried that they may had strayed a bit off assignment… so let me address those fears by saying please don’t ever worry about straying off assignment… Also don’t say assignment cause it reminds me that I hated the part of art school where people told me what to draw, which really when you think about it makes me pretty stupid for running this site… But hey we aint judging me, we’re judging Killer Columbian Chickens… which in this case come with some pretty sweet third world cybernetics (you can tell cause they still have antennae duh)

Judge’s Commentary – I, for one, welcome our new Bionic-Chicken overlords. I can only throw myself at your razor talons and plead mercy for the 3 tons of buffalo wings I’ve eaten in my life, it’s not my fault you taste so damn good!

The Pollo Malingo Entry # 10

The Third Place Pollo Malingo Entry

It’s funny I just read a series of books where chickens were in fact the denizens of the lost city of Atlantis and the founders of most of human culture… I’m especially fond of the fact that the “when” pictured here seems to be somewhere near the 45 minute mark of Jurassic Paaaaaaaahk 2! And I have to give you credit for one fantastic unfocused chicken eye, that thing is great!

Judge’s Commentary – If you’re gonna use Jurassic Park, I’m gonna vote for you. It’s just that simple. That’s actually a pretty big leg you’ve got there, nice & meaty… I’m gonna need a bottle of Frank’s ASAP.

The Pollo Maligno Entry # 1

The Pollo Malingo Entry # 1

ah delicious beer can Columbian hunter! Why he has a teeny button nose, the mustache of a dwarf, why his shirt is written in essentially high school spanish and how he is still capable of holding an emotive sign up with what looks to be roughly 55 gallons of Chicken Brau up his butt, I’m unsure… but I bet he’ll be juicy!

The Pollo Maligno Entry # 2

The Pollo Malingo Entry 2

This is part one of a two parter that I was sorta tempted to reverse… but you know he looks so damn happy to be eating what i can only assume is a hunter given the high rise boot… anyone else notice this guys feet look sorta like delicious giant buffalo drumettes?

The Pollo Maligno Entry # 2 1/2

ThePolloMalingoEntry2AndAHalf

You know I’m not even sure this is the same bird… but the happiness carries on through so that’s enough for me, and I like that it paints a full picture… what comes up… must eventually be pooped etc…

The Pollo Malingo Entry # 3

The Pollo Malingo Entry # 3

How’s that saying go? Never trust a giant Columbian chicken who’s so high on cocaine that his eyes vibrate? Hell even if that’s not a popular saying, probably not a bad rule to follow… love the “gnashing teeth”!

The Pollo Malingo Entry # 4

The Pollo Malingo Entry # 4

Yes! Naked carnage! Lil known and occasionally drawn theory about Pollo Maligno, that he has one long ass chicken leg for ripping off heads and one short stocky leg for all powerful ass stomping! And you know… if it weren’t for the blood spilling, death dealing fowl, this one paints Columbia as kinda pretty.

The Pollo Malingo Entry # 5

The Pollo Malingo Entry # 5

Well 10 points for that gaping mouthed, lightly limbed crawl of terror and another 5 for the entertainingly firm butt incorporated within. And you have to admit, There’s something magical about the play between the incredibly stern but wise bird eyes, the beakful of arm and the goofiness that is a red rooster comb that just works!

The Pollo Malingo Entry # 6

The Pollo Malingo Entry # 6

Oh solid central american feel what with the bandoleer and the stogie… I kinda love the posture of the soon to be vaporized shooter! and what’s the caption? “but I just wanted eggs”? haha! Nicely played all around!

The Pollo Malingo Entry # 7

The Pollo Malingo Entry # 7

So potentially my favorite part here is the surprise and horror he/she seems to have with its own fire breath… If you’ve ever seen someone legit accidentily burp in a meeting, that’s exactly what they look like… well usually with one less face to express with, but still. And I love that one head wears his comb like Crispin Glover!

The Pollo Malingo Entry # 11

The Pollo Malingo Entry # 11

Ha! So the windmill is just for scale right? Just making sure I’m not missing that this is the first step in say some week long, alternate universe, Santeria blood festival? Kinda love the “combed” forward look on this guy and that his lil waddle or whatever looks like a bow tie!

The Pollo Malingo Entry # 12

The Pollo Malingo Entry # 12

El hombre de pollo es muy guapo!… From all the research I’ve done (which is pretty much none) I can point out that it looks like we have a pretty authentic Colombian woodsmans beard pictured here! And is it just me or does he look drunk?

The Pollo Malingo Entry # 13

The Pollo Malingo Entry # 13

And we were just talking about sweet militant vegan tattoos! Three dollars for anyone who gets this on their chest! The way its holding those knives is pretty great And I love that this one follows the, if something’s really crazy… it’s gonna have a crazy big head rule.

The Pollo Malingo Entry # 14

The Pollo Malingo Entry # 14

And I never had time to go back and finish this guy but i do think the Predator with the awkwardly touchy chicken uncle trying to lure him deep in the woods had some potential…

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