The Centaur

The Half Man, Half Horse Who’s All Into Partying!

Now how have we been doing weekly mythical beast drawings for over 2 years and haven’t yet drawn a centaur you ask? Well in all honesty, I thought we did, but searching through the pre-online archives, I found no such battle and since we’ve had a few quiet weeks here recently, figured its time to liven things up with a beast that likey the sauce!

Most simply put, the Centaur is a beast with the head arms and torso of a man and the body(etc) of a horse… and honestly I’m pretty game to see any combo of parts you think worthy. Centaurs were supposedly followers of Dionysus and are famed for their love of the drink. From what I can tell, it would seem that a good percentage of their time was spent behaving poorly at weddings and trying to bed previously spoken for ladies.

If you’re origin curious, the story gets a lil hazy (myth pun for those keeping score) but involves a cat named Ixion, who hads plans involving some sweet lovemaking to Hera, but Zeus swapped in a cloud replica of Hera named Nephele and somehow that union made a king centaur, or Centaurus… then said Centaurus proceeded to mate with a mess of Magnesian mares, and that, as far as I can tell, is how Centaurs are made!

our judgeOur Judge this week is Mary Alice, multiple time MBW Champion, Centaur expert, and manager of Mess, an independent design and development agency, we’re pretty goddamn good: www.thisismess.com (she said that last part, but if you check out their work I might have to agree)

judgement Is Complete

The Centaur Entry # 1

The First Place Centaur Entry

It came with the message “sorry, i couldn’t resist.” but I ask, how can you apologize for something that great? It’s like the illustrated dad joke of mythical beats drawings! Plus the lil self indicating, “that’s me!” thumb and smile is pretty great!

Judge’s Commentary – First place has to go to #1, the penny centaur. I mean, they really nailed the spirit of the mythical beast war for me with this. Simple, funny, and clever. The little thumb “check me out” gesture just kills me. Adorable. “Who’s got a tiny thumb and just won the Beast War? This guyyyyyy.”

The Centaur Entry # 9

The Second Place Centaur Entry

You know I’m not sure what I like best, the string of outdoor party lights, the perm, or the fact that he’s already poured your glass of wine before asking if you want one!

Judge’s Commentary – Second place goes to #9. I would totally go get drunk with that saucy horse man. That half-in-the-bag-come-hither gaze has me imagining what kind of bad pick up lines centaurs would use. Also, I’m a sucker for the romantic glass bulb string lights.

The Centaur Entry # 4

The Third Place Centaur Entry

“Hot Doggin!” – Man this dude really doesn’t even need the pizza to show that he’s ready to party! But it aint hurting his cause either ;)…. And how cool is it that he needs a belt! My only complaint is that its possible he needs a “Single Horse Power” tat too!

Judge’s Commentary – Third place was a suuuuuper tough call, but I have to go with #4. The belly squeezing out over the belt, the beer, the pizza…the thing that got me was that pucker, though. He’s blowing me a stinky beer/pizza breath kiss?!?! I can’t stand it. Applause.

The Centaur Entry # 2

The Centaur Entry # 2

You gotta love the extra stretch for a good wordplay! I especially fond of the seemingly extra long pointer finger… and something about this oddly reminds me of the first time Mel Gibson gets banished from Bartertown!

The Centaur Entry # 3

The Centaur Entry # 3

“My love, drawn as a centaur pony of love, spreading joy throughout the galaxy!” – I have no idea if that caption was in fact intended to be included but it made me spit a lil coffee so I’m keeping it! Gotta love the hot pink hooves, though I worry a lil about this dudes safety… if you’ve ever played Mario Cart you know rainbows are notoriously easy to fall off, especially when one is caught in the reflection of their own beautiful gaze…

The Centaur Entry # 5

The Centaur Entry # 5

Is this wherz you put the drawings of turtlebeanz?

The Centaur Entry # 6

The Centaur Entry # 6

Man it’s a funny thing, I absolutely love Snake Plissken, and I think Zoidberg is kinda adorable, so I guess this just means I don’t trust horses?

The Centaur Entry # 7

The Centaur Entry # 7

I’m just excited how many great hands and butts are happening here! Plus it’s a great reference for the real flaw in partying with a wide mouth chalice, once that liquid gets some directional momentum, there’s just no stopping it…

The Centaur Entry # 8

The Centaur Entry # 8

Whoa Orko! As my friend Rocco always says… “hey it’s 1999, loosen up!” (it’s funny cause its way past 1999 you see)… meanwhile you know in this universe Battlecat is wearing two day old stubble and smells suspiciously of possum wine!

The Centaur Entry # 10

The Centaur Entry # 10

Man that Hedgehog really gets around! Nevermind the 10 zillion xxx features he’s lazily humped through, but now he’s in the beast business too! I gotta say, I’m kind of a fan of how that belly meets the horse parts and judging by the size of that censored bar, his recent transformation doesn’t seem to have affected his signature schlong… so you know… good for him… ha!

The Centaur Entry # 11

The Centaur Entry # 11

I was trying to figure out the Jerry Lewis style racist teeth… but I think it makes way more sense if they are simply horse teeth, and while i love his wine barrel rotundness, you know it’s gonna cause some hip problems down the line

The Centaur Entry # 12

The Centaur Entry # 12

Haha! You know, when you send things to the internets, there are bound to be times you look back and decide you’ve shared too much!

The Centaur Entry # 13

The Centaur Entry # 13

God, I just love this job… so question one: Is that hitler? and question two: is that popcorn stuck to his chest? I mean, I know it’s not but it really makes me happier to pretend it is…

The Centaur Entry # 14

The Centaur Entry # 14

Ha! So I’ve known this artist forever and know that he’s probably watched easily as much Hercules and Zena as I have, and because of that, he too had to resist the overwhelming urge to make a Centaur Polynesian, so i respect the hell out of this direction. For those unfamiliar with sad monster speak, the caption says “I’m Horse Man!”

The Centaur Entry # 15

The Centaur Entry # 15

Now I could be entirely wrong but I sorta think the best aspect of being a centaur is the independence human arms bring, (and depending on your perspective I suppose the horse schlong might have some value) So while this guy might be able to get by on looks alone, I fear somewhere in those eyes I can feel his loss…

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The Centaur Drawing # 16

TheCentaurDrawing16

“Well, Wolverine got done mutated again and he’s pissed about it!” – Man we are getting a near Frazetta level of bonus musculature on this guy! You know the rules of fantasy extra muscles means extra strong! Oh btw you can’t trick me! that’s the horse butt of someone who has drawn more then a few horse butts in their lives!