The Gnome

Everyone’s Favorite Bearded Backyard Buddy!

Gnomes are grotesque little humanoid creatures that dwell in caves, nooks, hollows and other such dark dank forest places. Generally only a foot to a foot and a half tall, they look like an old hunchbacked human squashed down by an immense gravity (think Phantasm homeworld). Their bellies are rotund and their features, rounded and bulbous. Almost every description i can find includes a pointed cap of some sort and clothing of green or brown to allow them to blend into their environment. There are both male and female gnomes, while the males tend to appear somewhat santa-ish what with the white beards and continual pipe smoking, the females are often described as macabre, witchlike and somewhat unpleasant to gaze upon.

As is often the case with underground dwelling beasts, legend has Gnomes lording over the earths elemental treasures of mineral veins and gemstones and they are considered by some to be the worlds finest crafters of jewelry. Their disposition is to be decided, as some call them friendly and helpful, others have labelled them malicious and tricky.

While modern culture has embraced the gnome as guardian of the garden and travel websites, I’m pretty sure you kids can dig a little deeper and come up with some valid uses for those conical caps and creepy gnarled limbs.

judgement Is Complete

our judgeOur judge this week is going to be Chad Soderholm, the founder and Chief Creative Officer of Digital Aisle, an interactive shopper marketing company based in Chicago, IL (and full transparency my current employer). Chad has been in the marketing industry as a producer/director of various media types for over 15 years. He enjoys long walks in the park, puppies and fish noodling. In this round of submissions, he has specifically stated he is looking for a gnome with an interesting twist or fetish. The more creative and out there, the better!

the Gnome Entry # 6

the Gnome Entry # 5

No Mås! Yessss…. I instantly thought the ass cheeks looked like heads on independent necks and the one has kinda Picasoey lips. And i give anyone drawing such tiny fingers extra points.

Judge’s Commentary

Somehow I feel that if gnomes were real this is what they would be saying to us.

the Gnome Entry # 8

the Gnome Entry # 8

I’m not really sure what to call this. A Gnome Dome maybe? Hell yes we can call this a Gnome Dome, now if only there were more Gnomecentric churches we could talk into a mural we’d have a new business! Fantastic!

Judge’s Commentary

artistically great, loved the style.

the Gnome Entry # 18

the Gnome Entry # 18

Haha! Another set of quitters, but such a sexy set. Having seen the untouched photos in the past, I’m relatively sure this is supposed to be Alley Bagget… and those brows are f’ing amazing!

Judge’s Commentary

I got a little turned on by this one, is that wrong?

The Gnome Entry # 1

the Gnome Entry # 1

I figured I’d just post this first so when I win I won’t have to move it to the top of the post! He’s not guarding those jewels at all!

the Gnome Entry # 2

the Gnome Entry # 2

Good traditional gnome shape on this guy and such incredibly dead eyes… that’s got to be one hell of a strong strain passing over those creepily weird gnomey lips? And let’s all note, it seems Gnomes smoke exhales look kinda like poops!

the Gnome Entry # 3

the Gnome Entry # 3

It’s a battle as old as ti… wait that’s not a long held blood feud at all… Gnome terrorism? A Gnome seeking the almighty quickening? regardless I love his stubby 8 bit legs, and so many birds!

the Gnome Entry # 4

the Gnome Entry # 4

United We Stand, Together We Shovel Ooh a good ol’ American Gnome, and so close to the election, but which way does he lean? You would assume gun toting goes right but the photo ID laws have to hurt Gnomey rights…

the Gnome Entry # 5

the Gnome Entry # 5

The whole top part scares me, but its got such tranquil Bill Petey grass, and such a good set of weird ass Gnome eyes… So the way I figure it the mushroom will light the way to our inner Gnomes… Right?

the Gnome Entry # 7

the Gnome Entry # 7

Rasta Gnome! or as I see it “I and I and a Gnome… ” This begs the question, are there African Gnomes? I’m immensely entertained by the Stalinesque silhouette of Gnome face made by the lion’s shape!

the Gnome Entry # 9

the Gnome Entry # 9

Aww man, this humorous lil guy has one of those fancy pint sized pachyderms! and a pink one to boot! I like the sultry, drunken manner is which he’s covering/teasing with that (oak?) leaf… next stop, Gnome burlesque troop!

the Gnome Entry # 10

the Gnome Entry # 10

Ok so I see a Gnome with his tongue out, smoking a joint, in some very nice boots, in the crotch of someone who’s spread eagle over a reflective surface that reflects legs the wrong way… that or he’s excitedly coming home from school.

the Gnome Entry # 11

the Gnome Entry # 11

F*ck around get shot Ah a good old fashioned thug gnome! but where’s his belly rocker, if he had one I bet it would say “underground”… And are those pants suede?

the Gnome Entry # 12

the Gnome Entry # 12

Ha! Alien Gnomes! And talk about your judge pandering or it might be a touch of poking… but hey its recognition none the less, and perhaps that guy should get a massage while he’s there his shoulders are waaaay outta wack!

the Gnome Entry # 13

the Gnome Entry # 13

HA I have no clue what this really means so I’m just going to assume it’s a reference to the old theater adage and say Yay Montagues! Booo Capulets! and dammit i love me a good trap door!

the Gnome Entry # 14

the Gnome Entry # 14

Ha! I wasn’t going to do it, but it’s too perfect to pass up… For those not in the know… that’s a GnOms!

the Gnome Entry # 15

the Gnome Entry # 15

Yes! So flowery! So is that a truly transparent housecoat/clown smock or is that for the benefit of the observer to share our Gnomes fondness for a fine ladies undergarment? My only issue is that the third tree didn’t get a face.

the Gnome Entry # 16

the Gnome Entry # 16

I almost want the caption to be Gnomes vs the singular Gnome so it could be more of an anti Gnome propaganda piece for the anti drug and Gnome folks and a pro Gnome and pro weed one for fat people!

the Gnome Entry # 17

the Gnome Entry # 17

Ah nature… so full of jokes! first it was Progeria and now its Gnome topped, underground dwelling giant anglerfish! I’m still trying to decide if that’s supposed to be Jesus as I’m pretty sure he was famous for loving Gnomes.

the Gnome Entry # 19

the Gnome Entry # 19

I thought mine looked a lot like Santa. I bet if they were more common, Dom Gnomes would be very popular in some circles. And a good role for a Gnome who didn’t get the respect he deserved early in life due to his diminutive stature

the Gnome Entry # 20

the Gnome Entry # 20

Being old as hell I’m always complaining how expensive it is to drink now days, maybe the solution isn’t cheaper drinks but just getting a f*ck of a lot smaller! This guy seems ripped on one! And those are some adorably green pants!

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The Gnome Entry # 21

The First Place Free For All Entry

Ooh remarkably womby! I mean given, it could have giant watery eyes, but I’m not entirely sure it gets much cuter than this. And while that headpiece could just as easily be some sort of snail shellish Gnome cap, I’m gonna go ahead and give you extra fern points for what could be a fiddlehead frond!

Judge’s Commentary – I love that this little guy can fit so perfectly in teh garden… he can even fertilize himself! Bet he’ll be ripe and ready for picking come October!

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