The Mother of all Cows

Our Judge MicBurglar

Hindu Mythology’s Miraculous Cow of Plenty

Our judge for this battle is going to be MicBurglar from the Hamburglars, this dude sings about stealing hamburgers all day, so he obviously puts some extraordinary value in a cow… So I think to myself, how can we tie this in to a beast? And while dangerously close to blaspheming over a billion people, the best option I could come up with was to have us draw Kamadhenu, the Mother of all Cows and potentially the most honored beast in Hindu Mythology!

I have to admit that other than loving the food, listening to a few krishna-core bands and knowing some sanskrit words for yoga poses I am woefully underinformed when it comes to said neck of the woods, so instead of butchering (get it?) the mythology, I’m just rolling with a good old school bulleted list of descriptors:

  • Body of a white cow
  • Crowned Head and breasts of a human woman
  • Colorful wings of an eagle
  • Tail of a peacock
  • Grants all wishes
  • Lives in heaven and emerged from the ocean of milk

judgement Is Complete

Our Judge MicBurglarI caught Micburglar from The Hamburglars unwinding from a busy day of burger theiving at Cigars & Stripes in Berwyn. He told me how he and his cohorts (Bassburglar, Guitarburglar & Drumburglar) had finished recording their latest record and with a lil’ luck it’d be in their hands soon. I was surprised to find out that while not plotting & executing burger heists, playing shows w/ The Hamburglars, and eluding the authorities he enjoys browsing the pages of Mythical Beast Wars … so I figured what with an upcoming show and a the new 10 inch dropping soon, why not ask him to judge. So here we are! Get to drawing your human boobed cows and start figuring out how your ass is getting out here to Berwyn for the 22nd! See more at And come see the show – Fri. Nov. 22nd @ Cigars & Stripes – 6715 W. Ogden

The Mother of All Cows Entry # 5

The First Place Kamadhenu Entry

Right on! a full on melting potted Kamadhenu, apple pie, house dress, apron, wings of an angel and the sidestepped forefoot of patient disapproval! Plus the pearls are kinda cracking me up!

Judge’s Commentary – Her housecoat says modesty but the look on her face leads me to believe she’s the neighborhood dominatrix.

The Mother of all Cows Entry # 2

The Second Place Kamadhenu Entry

Ha! man I was curious how this would work, forward facing seems to solve a lot of the display issues I was having imagining all these characteristics in profile! And Big fan of the old flintstone stubble mouth!

Judge’s Commentary – Did Russ Meyer submit this? Beauty & Brawn. I like the huge peacock-like plumage on the defensive lineman type body.

The Mother of all Cows Entry # 1

The Second Place Kamadhenu Entry number 2

You know I’ve always known its fun ignoring descriptions, but it’s even more fun ignoring descriptions you wrote yourself! I think it was the Ocean of Milk that triggered it, I dont know whether to think thats the coolest thing ever or just freaking disgusting… so I kinda hope that’s the way this makes you feel…

Judge’s Commentary – Nothin says prosperity like a multi-nippled, Kamadhenu-toed, burger chompin beast.

The Mother of all Cows Entry # 7

The Third Place Kamadhenu Entry

Maybe I’m wrong about how this one was created but I will always love the collage then roughly trace style of beasts cause they will always remind me of school murals and it means that someone spent time rejecting cows and boobs that they didn’t think would work as well as these! and does anyone else get the feeling that those legs could keep going for waaay longer?

Judge’s Commentary – As I gaze at this one, I keep waiting for the hat to tilt and the cast of Monty Python to pop out of it’s head. As WWI bi-planes buzz by, the breasts lift on a hinge & cannons pop out to shoot them out of the sky. Then the Gumbys come out and ……….. Oh man I gotta go to bed.

The Mother of All Cows Entry # 3

The Kamadhenu Entry # 3

Seems like forever since we’ve had a good old fashioned paneled entry! And seriously even if I was in a hurry, if a cab drives me up to a human headed cow, I’m getting my ass out to take a look!

The Mother of All Cows Entry # 4

The Kamadhenu Entry # 4

Well look at that, she’s got the stubby strong wings of something that flies at supersonic speeds not something I would think a cow would do, even a magical one, and is that a bell round her neck? or like a stethoscope? cause I bet a flying cow doctor would be a pretty good niche field of practice!

The Mother of all Cows Entry # 6

The Kamadhenu Entry # 6

You know when a bunch of us still worked for the girly mags, it was a hotly contested subject as to whether milk pouring over a girl ever worked… now replace the standard nude girl with a magical, part human, part cow, part bird hybrid with thighs that could crush stones to dust and I don’t think you can ever question its sexiness!

The Mother of all Cows Entry # 8

The Kamadhenu Entry # 8

Man look at how those teets devolve as they move back towards the cow-quarters, genius! Her hooves make her look oddly like a farm accident amputee and those are some freaking impressive delts for someone who just mothers cows in heaven all day!

The Kamadhenu Entry # 9

The Kamadhenu Entry # 9

You know i was going to comment on how nicely it follows the old timey rule of thirds, but really I almost think it’s worth a design rule of its own… if you’re going to draw a magical cow, and if you want to maximize the pleasure of your viewer, you better put a giant dwarf face in a babushka on it… we can call the Illustrated Bovine Headscarf Edict or something…

The Kamadhenu Entry # 10

The Kamadhenu Entry # 10

So there was supposed to be some text I was supposed to add to this one to lessen the impression that this is a handsome young man sitting on an invisible stool pulling on the ween of a magical floating cow… but why would i ever want to lessen that?

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