The Polevik

The Deformed, Slavic Dwarf, With Grass for Hair and a Habit of Running Over Sleeping People With Horses!

So let’s be honest, I had some high hopes for extending our format to two weeks. But, after a few tries, seems to me we can call it a bit of a fail. So quite simply, we’re going back to 1 week, dirty, fast n fun. And we’re doing it with a murderous slavic dwarf, in hopes of breathing some life back in the game.

Here’s what we’ve got and I’m lifting this straight from wikipedia partially cause i know next to nothing about said beast, and partially cause the entry is tagged as inaccurate and I do so love to give you guys only partially valid information so: Polevik in Slavic mythology are field spirits that appear as a deformed dwarfs with different coloured eyes and grass instead of hair. They appear either at noon or sunset and wear either all black or all white suits. According to local beliefs they lead wandering people in a field astray, give them diseases or ride them over with their horses if they are found asleep.

If a person falls asleep on the job after drinking, the Polevik might murder them. Appeasing the Polevik requires two eggs, a rooster, a toad, and a crow placed in a ditch when no one is looking.

Now you get a lot of graphic elements with this one, black or white suits, straw hair, wacky Bowie eyes, and a flair for murder by mare, so you know have fun. I’m going to judge this one and try and throw a shirt at whoever i think is best hitting what I envision to be the sweet spot somewhere between genius, offensive and adorable or is that horrible… I always forget… so do your worst and lets see where that gets us!
judgement Is Complete

The Polevik Entry # 4

The First Place Polevik Entry

Ok so pendulous beast breasts, hammertoes, homemade scoliosis brace and cheerleader skirt aside, doesn’t it look a lil like that frog is trying to keep those chickens from kicking that Polevik’s ass? Oh and side note, big fan of the way that grass grows out of that mis-shapen noggin btw, very natural!

Judge’s Commentary – So the fun part of running this myself (beyond the obvious people send me funny pictures of mythical beasts most every week) is when i see a wrong, I can right it! Personally I thought this artist got robbed in battle Kraken, so he got a few bonus points for that… but there are enough oddly placed elements and mysteries in this one that he might have got it anyways… I mean whats with the frilly sleeves? or are those like old west arm garters? what’s sticking out of his back? a kickboard? Why am i even saying he? doesnt he have breasts and a skirt? I mean I honestly want to be able to pan out a lil just to see if it aids in understanding… and since i can’t, and i get left wanting… he wins!

The Polevik Entry # 7

The Second Place Polevik Entry

Man this is kinda amazing! I’m not entirely sure i read Polevick off this but i sure as hell see a cross between the woman at the gas station who still buys Virgina Slim 100s with a f*cking beautiful bulb of fennel!… well technically I think that’s dandelion or at least a yellow thistle of some sort… but i know you see it too!

Judge’s Commentary – Anytime a beast looks like it would be delicious roasted with a lil bit of bacon, olive oil, cheese shavings n pine nuts, I’m down… But beyond that I like to imagine that someday when Beth has done what she’s gonna do in her time and decides it’s the time to revisit all of her beast sketches with her easel watercolors, and beret while she overlooks her estate… she’ll remember cause of this judgement that I want this one, and she’ll really make those yellows sing!

The Polevik Entry # 6

The Third Place Polevik Entry

Man and i thought i had a tiny little butt! I’m entertained that the normally wonky eyes of a seanbeast have been replaced here with a laser eyed precision to watch over his field for napping oafs… that or that’s not a horse lead, he’s on a giant meat hook, and those eyes are so focused on the far away but slowly approaching glow of death!

Judge’s Commentary – Dammit cause I just can’t stop laughing at this one… I mean i think my favorite Seanbeasts are the ones in hooded costumes, Your Bee Sean or astronaut Sean but dammit there’s something too good about this one… Whether it be that his neck is thicker than his thighs, that soft sad slouch, the fact that he could put that whole tiny hand up his still undersized schnoz or is it those damn freckles… I bet it’s the f*cking freckles! Regardless, well played

The Polevik Entry # 1

The Polevik Entry # 1

The world of fantasy art would probably be a very different place if Frazetta had spent less time on head rending realism and more on adorable cartoon toesesess… of course you can probably say the same thing about him moving out of his mom’s house… ha!

The Polevik Entry # 2

The Polevik Entry # 2

So I’m going to guess he’s not working in the kind of lab that has strict requirements on footwear… also while I assume that backdrop represents a grassy field of eastern europe, it looks a lot like a photo wallpaper made of an extreme closeup or a hairy arm!!!

The Polevik Entry # 3

The Polevik Entry # 3

How cool is it that his f*cking hairline has it’s own grassy eyebrow edge planting! And grassy pubes as well? or just a cleverly placed thatch? And i have no idea what’s happening with that weird squared fish mouth but I know I’m oddly drawn to it!

The Polevik Entry # 5

The Polevik Entry # 5

Finally some good old fashioned lined paper again! Now can the allure of a hairy chest make up for the John Merrick-eque shoulder growth? well if 1970s America can count as a completed experiment… hell yes! Also that’s a really good “no way I’m holding a scythe to murder you” expression on this guys face!

The Polevik Entry # 8

The Polevik Entry # 8

So as long as I’m not missing an obvious pop cultural reference here, I’m just going to bask in the lopsided, malformed, babyarmed and homemade Gordon Gartrell shirt wearing glory that is you beast… I’m especially impressed with how his pocket square shape expresses as much FU as his finger!

The Polevik Entry # 9

The Polevik Entry # 9

Hahaha! so all i can see is Carl Sagan wearing that weird era of sock-like air jordans and riding a donkey he doesnt like very much… so the obvious question… why such high performance shoes?

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