The Pope’s Donkey

The Beast So Terrible the Only Thing Comparable Was the Church!

What do you get when you put the head of an ass on a dragon scaled body of a woman, add one giant bird foot, replace the tail with the head and neck of a horned fowl, make one of the hands human, make the remaining two extremities cloven and somewhere on the upper left leg you plop the face of a bearded man? Well we know this much it was called the Pope’s Donkey and we know it supposedly washed up on the shores of the Tiber river in Italy in the 16th century…

Now whether there was ever a real deformed beast that started the tale we’ll probably never know. But what we do know is that it’s entertaining image became the fodder for some unique protestant propaganda that rocketed some common rotten river detritus to a beast of Catholic Church defaming stardom.

In the hands of some artisinal myth craftsman the legend grew, it was no longer had just a horribly misshapen beast. Each aspect of its deformity now represented an arm of the church, with a stupid ass at its head (read the pope), a human hand to give the appearance of charitable work while the other hand (the hoof of an elephant) was busily crushing the weak. The Cloven foot of the Ox represented the strong foundation already in support of the beasts tyranny and the clawed foot of a griffin representing the ties to the aristocracy vs that of the common man…
judgement Is Complete

our judgeI had an out on the town work function last eve (technically on the lake) and whilst we cruised about the shores of lake michigan, we turned our dining table into a beast judging committee, including two time judge Lauren Mitchell, her boy Jason, Judge Drop Bear, Mr Jim Thaxton, his partner Pat, myself and my wife… the following are the results!

The Pope’s Donkey Entry # 7

The First Place Popes Donkey Entry

donkeeeey? Yes man waffles do sound delicious.. and I sure hope she goes to have someone set those fingers on that human hand… meh you know scratch that, who needs a community minded hand when you got cloven gams like that!

Judge’s Commentary – It was actually a tight call between first and second this week, as both featured bright colors (it would seem we’re easily distracted) but since i got a voice in this one I will always vote silly over pretty… plus its a first time win for an almost newbie!

The Pope’s Donkey Entry # 14

The Second Place Popes Donkey Entry

Haha dammit he’s choking that chicken isn’t he? Great fanciful Picasso-y marionette feel to this one and that is a f’in great elephant hoof! And I’m especially fond of the neck that seemingly starts on his right boob!

Judge’s Commentary – So from what i can tell everyone else at teh table really liked the eye pleasing palette on this one, what with moments filled with comments like “ooo” and “purrrdy” Personally I like that it’s torso looks to be made half from toast and half from an old peanut!

The Pope’s Donkey Entry # 4

The Third Place Popes Donkey Entry

“with action style posturing!” – Damn straight! Look at that, he’s even got a single ticket to the “gun show”! And glad to see someone has finally figured out a good option for what a horned fowl looks like! My only complaint is a fu-man-chu, no matter how bushy, still qualifies as just a mustache.

Judge’s Commentary – Now Pat was adamant that this one place as he exclaimed “pretty princess pose! pretty princess pose!” whilst other options were discussed and I’m not entirely sure that this one isn’t holding up a fist vs resting its chin, but hey we like what we see and we cannot deny what we like!

The Pope’s Donkey Entry # 1

The Pope's Donkey Entry # 1

Now I hate to be the bearer of bad news (I’m lying, generally i kind of enjoy it) but I’m pretty sure you forgot to include the face of the bearded man somewhere on the upper left leg. That being said excellent ass vocalizations and that is one hell of a Charo’s wardrobe inspired jumpsuit! “cuchi-cuchi”!

The Pope’s Donkey Entry # 2

The Pope’s Donkey Entry # 2

See I would think something that looked that f’ing magical would be a lot better at yoga… and also… elephant shoe!

The Pope’s Donkey Entry # 3

The Pope’s Donkey Entry # 3

Haha! That’s what we’re talking about! Look at all those accurately attributed extra-specied extremities! And its funny, the ass end of it (literally the back) seems so much happier to be alive than the front… I’m sure there’s some moral there, but I’ll let you learn it!

The Pope’s Donkey Entry # 5


Hahaha… I’m just saying this one is oddly beautiful! maybe its cause it leans towards deer, maybe cause of that magical crooked claw, or maybe its just the cat head bra?

The Pope’s Donkey Entry # 6

The Popes Donkey Entry # 6

You know I feel I shoulda seen this coming… I was expecting like a giant butt face ala assy mcgee or whatever that show was but the singularity style rectum as mouth got me! Pretty much all the faces here make me smile! Feels oddly Donny Darko bunnyish and great use of a horned owl!

The Pope’s Donkey Entry # 8

The Popes Donkey Entry # 8

It’s so much better if you imagine he/she is right at the high point of a straight up vertical hop! I’m not sure he even meets half the descriptors but hell he looks like a good time while staying ever so slightly untrustworthy… and that’s all that really matters!

The Pope’s Donkey Entry # 9

The Pope’s Donkey Entry # 9

So I cropped out the lil skinny (and nearly godlike) goat legs to get it to square up, so you know imagine… Further proof that confidence is one of the most attractive aspects and is that a cape billowing in the wind behind this magnificent creature? I certainly hope so!

The Pope’s Donkey Entry # 10

The Pope’s Donkey Entry # 10

Haha, you know i found an old ass sketchbook that i think I populated when i got my wisdom teef yanked and young me first had real pain pills… everything in it looks suspiciously like this pic and is missing some vital clue to its comprehension now but I f’ing love that! So nicely played!

The Pope’s Donkey Entry # 11

The Pope's Donkey Entry # 11

It came with a lil note tagging it as the best Pope’s Donkey ever, and when you think about it, even across all of known time, it’s probably pretty possible… that being said my favorite part is the little Cody on his butt!

The Pope’s Donkey Entry # 12

The Pope’s Donkey Entry # 12

I feel there is a lot about this one I’m missing… like is he doing the it could use just a teeny bit more salt gesture or is he just very intently rolling a booger between his thumb and forefinger? and the feather snow? was it his own tail that needed more salt? and if so, what kinda of hellish world does he live in?

The Pope’s Donkey Entry # 13

The Pope’s Donkey Entry # 13

“now with unclear mcnulty face!” – ha! So wait McNulty like the Wire McNulty? If that’s the case, whatever you do don’t tell this dude what to do, cause he respects no authori-tay! I’m a big fan of the “scissor hand” and that bird head!

The Pope’s Donkey Entry # 15

The Pope’s Donkey Entry # 15

You know i never realized how much a four legged, arm swallowing butt looks like a tooth until this very moment! Is that a freaking pimple over there? And dammit those contented, stoned eyes make me happy!

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