The Redcap

The Metal Laden Dwarf With The Hat Soaked In Murder!

So we’ve already touched on a few of the European household spirits, your Brownie, your Hobgoblins etc. But the Redcap is fun cause he’s especially metal and murdery. Said to dwell in ruined and abandoned castles that line the border between England and Scotland. Redcaps are small, we’ll say about 2 feet (or whatever the hell that is in “hands”). Usually depicted as your sturdy old man type with whithered, windburned faces, perhaps some whiskers and beady lil eyes. They wear heavy iron boots, carry a heavy iron spike, and most importantly they wear a floppy dwarfish cap stained red with the blood of foolhardy travelers who mistakenly enter their domain (and are usually murdered most fouly).
 
Now one would say, little tiny legs, weighed down in rocky terrain, I have no fear of this lil bugger but legend has it that regardless of his heavy iron accessories, it’s almost impossible to outrun a Redcap. I’m not sure whether it’s magic or just sheer determination that drives him because as the legend continues, if a Redcap is ever victimless to the point that the blood in his hat dries… he too will die.
 
judgement Is Complete
 
our judgeOur Judge this week was Steve Biernacki, husband of one of my wife’s old work cohorts, who I met when we’d both tag along on business trips to explore random cities. He’s currently doing design but he’s an all purpose agency machine, record nerd, incredibly nice guy, and I’m pretty sure I saw his father in law try to murder him via motorboat towed inner tube once ; ). Oh yeah and I can’t forget, we like to say Steve’s the best looking guy we know. His judgement is below, and his word is law…

The Redcap Entry # 3

The Redcap Entry # 3

Ha! While amazing I’m calling that is leaning more towards a Red-helmet… but we’ll take it! Great curve bladed fantasy pike and I myself (and I’m not even a robe guy) am finding myself ready to extoll the virtures of his warm and cozy belted coverings! And look how big that one hand is!

Judge’s Commentary

The look of “I’m disgruntled with my current occupation” or “I have a gripe with the way I’m being treated by my employer” is something we all can relate to at one point in time in our lives. Perhaps this entry becomes our official office mascot for job dissatisfaction. One thing’s for sure though, you push this little guy too far and you get a taste of that heavy-handed, jagged, torn tin can pike in return. Nice, matching skull accoutrements from Hot Topic. Oh, and his soft-booted feet make me want to eat Pillsbury Crescent Rolls.

The Redcap Entry # 9

The Redcap Entry # 9

Oooh such an officially D&D sanctioned earflapped and elven cap! Very nice! Another great case of long-arm, that Thriller shoulder is kinda cracking me up and I gotta give credit for what looks to be the most uncomfortable iron boot we’ve seen.

Judge’s Commentary

I have soft spot for this “everything is sharp” selection, literally. From that snaggletoofus, the crusty ear, the disappearing arm, even that left calf is like a blunt butterknife waiting to give you a lesson in how to run a butcher shop. Furthermore, that slight, but bloody prison shank tucked into his belt is somewhat unassuming at first, but like an overused disposable razor blade, it carries with it a history of hemorrhaging nicks, scrapes and severely infected in-grown hairs… and sometimes death! Also worth noting, and I concur with our Mythical Beast Wars administrator, this entry brings a little R&B funk with the Jacko Thriller vibe including the fades, shades, arched shoulder… all that’s missing are a few metal studs in his leathery redcap. So be careful, cuz when you blink, he’ll dance and disappear off this page and into your nightmare – ace!

The Redcap Entry # 10

The Redcap Entry # 10

Sweet! This one feels a lil like santa gone wrong! I mean hard ass shoulder spikes, every so slightly wonked lizard eyes, a bloody ax blade hanging of the famed english peeper on a pike and an understated version of the universal symbol for discontent down there in the corner. Plus there’s just a lot of ink on the paper and I’ll always appreciate that!

Judge’s Commentary

Everything about this “I was drawn on my TrapperKeeper in high school in the 80s, which I covered entirely in black marker cuz my soul belongs to Satan” vibe is killer! Lemmy ain’t got nothin’ on this fella, even his beard feels like it’s been carved out of metal. You can gauge the level of terror in that skewered eyeball of the poor sap who ran into this redcap and met his end cuz he said he liked metal rap. If this is not an album cover for a German death metal band by the end of this week, I’ll commission zis masterpiece and start up my own brand of face-melting, axe-shredding, my volume goes to 11 audio bullying. We’ll call ourselves der schlecht Weihnachtsmann! (that’s “the bad Santa” in German or so my Google translator tells me).

The Redcap Entry # 1

The Redcap Entry # 1

I don’t even know what to say about this one… I tried channeling some frazetta or something… and ended up with a girl with a broken hip and a somewhat entertaining cat… I know this much when poorly concepted, pencil drawn, fae erotica becomes a big thing, I’m gonna be a rich man…

The Redcap Entry # 2

The Redcap Entry # 2

The Cosby sweater is an interesting choice, but i suppose it adds an element of unpredicatiblity that his tiny, nonthreatening hands can’t convey. Great bloody poofball!

The Redcap Entry # 4

The Redcap Entry # 4

It came with the caption “It’s a small small world!” Which if one were to believe the perspective here, it does seem to be. But that air drumming of iron spikes manifesting falling human forms what? Seeding the earth? Or is he shaking the wasted carcasses off of the spikes down on a now dead planet… I honestly just don’t know but I, for one, am entertained!

The Redcap Entry # 5

The Redcap Entry # 5

Those are some tough ass iron boots! And such razor sharp talons for fingers! You gotta love when crayon gets so opaque, I kinda imagine you holding the red one in your fist lil kid style. And there’s something about the cyclopsy dead center of the composition eye placement that makes me want to watch Krull!

The Redcap Entry # 6

The Redcap Entry # 6

The most murderous red capped dwarf around… Ha, you know I don’t know if it’s the house or what but this one feels very Scooby Doo’s celebrity cameo to me, which ain’t a bad thing. And I notice you didn’t give him hachets so as not to upset the juggalos out there.

The Redcap Entry # 7

The Redcap Entry # 7

Red Cappin – You know I’m sure I’m going to entirely miss some obvious samurai movie or pop culture ref in this one, but I’m too sidetracked getting lost in his hyper realistic Flintsone stubble and that sweet ass blinded eye to care!

The Redcap Entry # 8

The Redcap Entry # 8

Well what good are talon like fingers if they are lying on the ground ya big dummy? Huge fan of the really long arms and beard and I find myself wondering what the hell he has stowed away in those puffy ass cheeks!

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