The Turkey (2016) Entry # 5

The Turkey (2016) Entry # 5

How’s that old country saying go? One man’s pet turkey is another’s prize hog? And if this starts a downward trend, ending with me talking to a personafied butthole that’s grown from my keyboard, I’m going to be pissed!

The Underwater Panther Entry # 5

The Underwater Panther Entry # 5

I was trying to decide which way to face this one, liek swimming down makes it seem pretty tattoo-y bad ass but if you’re willing to give it a lil twisting momentum in your mind, I think this upward lilt gives it the most natural feel!

The Dingbat Entry # 8

The Dingbat Entry # 8

I’m just going with what i imagine this one tastes like… and that would be somewhere between the dust on a moths wings, leather and an old tent kept in the garage, but sweetened with the tiniest hint of lilac pollen and sweat… Good realistic bat tongue btw!

The Hippalectryon Entry # 3

The Hippalectryon Entry # 3

Man I wanna hug this thing so hard!… though I’m not sure if its to make it feel better or me? I do know those lil sad line eyes are f’ing beautiful!

The Momo Entry # 8

The Momo Entry # 8

“Puppy Picnic… This would solve a lot of problems in animal shelters and would get yetis out of the woods.” – While I have to vote against the eating of pups I cant argue with your logic… and I’m pretty sure my favorite part is that his face is lost in misty silhouette… but not his naval!

The Mokele-Mbembe Entry # 5

The Third Place Mokele-Mbembe Entry

I don’t know if any of you have driven the curvy roads through the congo during the foggy season, (I btw most definitely have not) but I imagine that if you did and weren’t paying careful attention, these munching dinos can seemingly pop out of nowhere! And joking aside, I sorta love it’s watermark softness!

Judge’s Commentary – I cant decide if its remarkably peaceful sad or content… but I know this much! it’s mother F’ing remarkable, and that’s enough for me!

The Harpy Entry # 10

The Harpy Entry # 10

So the real question is that just a hot dog bun and an overstuffed hummingbird’s tongue or is it a hyperstylized Okeeffe-esque, yet mustard dripping mouth-vulva? The good news is I’ll probably never sleep again, so I’ll have a lot of time to really ponder it!

The Polevik Entry # 7

The Second Place Polevik Entry

Man this is kinda amazing! I’m not entirely sure i read Polevick off this but i sure as hell see a cross between the woman at the gas station who still buys Virgina Slim 100s with a f*cking beautiful bulb of fennel!… well technically I think that’s dandelion or at least a yellow thistle of some sort… but i know you see it too!

Judge’s Commentary – Anytime a beast looks like it would be delicious roasted with a lil bit of bacon, olive oil, cheese shavings n pine nuts, I’m down… But beyond that I like to imagine that someday when Beth has done what she’s gonna do in her time and decides it’s the time to revisit all of her beast sketches with her easel watercolors, and beret while she overlooks her estate… she’ll remember cause of this judgement that I want this one, and she’ll really make those yellows sing!

Jackalope VS Leprechaun Entry # 8

Jackalope VS Leprechaun Entry # 8

So the last time i really paid attention to players on the Cubs, I’m pretty sure the Penguin was still at third base, but for some reason my brain can’t get past the concept that Rick Sutcliffe has killed and stuffed a Jackalope! God and how cute is that lil heart button dead nose…

The Aswang entry # 9

The Aswang entry # 9

So first off let's commend you for proving that a beast drawing does not need to be an hour's affair to be enjoyable. And while I know you the creator, feels they have drawn a horsetail, I gotta say, I'm feeling jet plume... but all that aside, his invisible steed riding, plastic soldier posture is amazing!

The Groundhog’s Shadow Entry # 7

TheFirstPlaceGroundhogsShadowEntry

So at first I had forgotten about the groundhog who bit the wisconsin mayor’s ear, so I was just basking in what i thought was its pure amazing insanity… but even knowing that it has a few anchors in reality barely even dims my fascination! Plus that lil blood hungry ear hog is pretty damn adorable.

Judge’s Comments – I think it’s the third layer of the joke that pushes this one over the top. I swear it starts to step itself into some imaginary, neverending, bill plimpton style transition, not just a groundhog biting an ear possessed by the spirit of post tattoo tyson but one who undoubtedly would morph into pigeons which would morph into this …. and you get the point

the Mongolian Death Worm Entry # 4

the Mongolian Death Worm Entry # 4

Ok dammit! Someone explain to me how a 1970s American style stocking cap reads as more Gobi than a furry Mongolian traders cap… cause it does… also, I’m a tremendous fan of the peaceful pretty pony schtick!

The Beast Out of the Sea Entry #9

The Beast Out of the Sea Entry #9

So I already know this artist originated from Cleveland, and she and I have already discussed her youthful obsession with a certain artist who’s releases are now part of our judge’s discography… so I’m pretty damn sure I get it… and that dead dangling cat made me laugh… silly Ohio 😉

The Phantom Kangaroo Entry # 8

he Phantom Kangaroo Entry # 8

Hahaha man, so I’m betting american babies must have just gotten a 5 star review on Kangaroo Yelp or if they dont they will soon… though I’m gonna go as far as to say that scalp looks a lil chewier than i generally prefer to deal with! Also this one’s named “Baby Micha Lundgren” which our judge next week will get, but possible a lot of the rest of you will miss, so think Cleveland and think hardcore and you’ll get there eventually!

The Pope’s Donkey Entry # 14

The Second Place Popes Donkey Entry

Haha dammit he’s choking that chicken isn’t he? Great fanciful Picasso-y marionette feel to this one and that is a f’in great elephant hoof! And I’m especially fond of the neck that seemingly starts on his right boob!

Judge’s Commentary – So from what i can tell everyone else at teh table really liked the eye pleasing palette on this one, what with moments filled with comments like “ooo” and “purrrdy” Personally I like that it’s torso looks to be made half from toast and half from an old peanut!

The Mock Turtle Entry # 22

The Mock Turtle Entry # 22

I like that it sorta works as the slightly eccentric grandmother who loves trinkets and knows all about magic, or a cross dressing (and slightly amphibious) central American dictator! And those layers of would be mouths and nostril flaps are enthralling!

The Ogopogo Entry # 6

The Ogopogo Entry # 6

Meow! kitty MEOW! Man good giant floppy goat ear and old wizardly cataract eyes! Am I alone in that all i wanna do is scratch under his/her lil bearded chin… imagine how itchy a beard like that would be with no hands with which to fix it? I mean… I suppose you could continually beach your face on a shallow rocky shore… but that just seems unpleasant…

The Sewer Alligator Entry # 6

The Sewer Alligator Entry # 6

“I got ’em you guys!” – Now did you learn nothing from Mr Rogers!!! this is why the world invented chewing gum… put a lil on a string or a stick and not only do you get to keep your hand but odds are the gator will appreciate the bright, non sewer-like flavoring of say wild grape… btw if i rotated this guy wrong apologies, this just made the most sense to me.

The Splinter Cat Entry # 5

The First Place Splinter Cat Entry

“We have all been there. Go vegan for a month and your butt becomes a weapon that could splinter trees…” – You know you came kinda close to an accidental negative space thunderbird… Points for butts, sadness, flaming trees and a rear leg structuring a guy could get lost in for days!

Judge’s Commentary – So I’ve been trying to let newbies win while I reign as judge for a bit… but dammit, and I am a lil sorry newbies, but I cant let a hollow eyed sadness stuffed kitten with crippled legs and an ass that melts trees go unrewarded… it would just go against everything i stand for… ha!

The Dark Lord Entry # 1

The Dark Lord Entry # 1

“Dark….Ass? My guy got a little donkey. I was drunk on ham and peeps.” I’m not sure that caption was meant for public consumption but it made me laugh so it got included! I love that he’s got a well muscled face cause… you know… 3/4s of seeming evil is having a decent stern gaze and you cant do that with a flabby visage! Also I’m pretty sure there’s an Eeyore joke and a joke about no one riding for free that would go well here, but I ‘ll let you figure those out on your own time!

The Bridge Troll Entry # 5

The Bridge Troll Entry # 5

Dammit if those sling topped giant buttoned overalls don’t do a really good job of accentuating this lil dude’s package… That being said I question whether he actually needs pants at all or is just hoping that you’ll drop yours! Excellent camely horns btw!

Old Man Coyote Entry # 2

TheSEcondPlaceOldManCoyoteEntry

Why hello there adorable little coyote beast! Such good creepy ass feathered wingarms you have! And Look at those down turned, world weary nips, showing his age and experience but counterd nicely with the fluffy tail of youth and the unoutlined ween of a creature that knows no bounds!

Judge’s Comments – Really it comes down to two things… well three… two really good nipples and a really well intentioned flower… well… and the pubes, and the fact that I can tell he smells like cedar shavings and.. well hell… and this paddle ball game and this thermos!

The Lil Owl Entry # 7

The Lil Owl Entry # 7

It’s funny I don’t know that I’ve ever seen an olive branch offered leaflessly before! But I mean you would think that’s a much fairer trade than one without fruit no? I love it’s fat lil ankles so and the fact that it sorta looks like it got a built in shawl! I guess in this case a sh-owl (insert boos here)

The Leshy Entry # 9

The Leshy Entry # 9

Yeah… I had that dream again… you know the one where the dick shaped but faceless me talks out of the cronenberg on my belly with the floating half me head while two ying yanged ewes keep screaming about keeping an appropriate dinner time…

The Wendigo Entry # 9

The Wendigo Entry # 9

(insert music) Beaaaauty and the ….Wendigoooo… ok, so maybe the syllables don’t match the song, but I can make it work dammit! And if he’s wearing a white turtleneck, that could potentially be my favorite wardrobe choice this week! Also great dead eye!

The Cyclops Entry # 4

The Cyclops Entry # 4

Oooh so many meanings, does the powerless cord signify the viewers lack of control of media? Do the rabbit ears on the flat screen mimick the hairs of our one eyed consuming spud proving that there is in fact no separation between the perceived and proven realities? Or can this dude just not plug in the tv cause he has no arms so he’s sad?

The Christmas Elf Entry # 22

The Christmas Elf Entry # 22

As Mos Eisley is to scum and villany, Wisconsin Dells are to post holiday fae centric swingers balls? (I knew it was the dells cause the artist said so… not just cause they were still using a hot tub… come to think of it is that even a hot tub… and why am i still parenthesized?)

The Christmas Elf Entry # 2

The Second Place Christmas ElfEntry

Hahaha funny as it may be in a picture i bet not even the satisfaction one would derive from such a task would counteract how much working all day in that position would destroy even a magical elfen body. All that aside that glowing drunk nose and softly closed eyes of relaxed concentration are making me very happy!

Judge’s Commentary
– While it can be argued that perhaps this is not the healthiest way to do so, there is no denying that this elf has taken the spirit of giving of oneself to heart!

The Skunk Ape Entry # 8

The Skunk Ape Entry # 8

OK so the lil cat peering out over his/her shoulder might be my favorite thing this week so far, points for the cone head that looks vaguely like a steaming stack of poo and call me crazy but with the width and size of the main guy and the lil cockeyed ears looking like feathered horns on the kitty… my brain reads the whole thing as owl!

The Hoop Snake Entry # 9

The First Place Hoop Snake Entry

“I’m not sure how these puny wounds have incurred such total surrender…uh, venom? Yeah! British Heavy Metal slays again!” – Man that badass hoop snake came awful close to stabbing that cow thing in the genitals! also the lil poops are quite good ; )

Judge’s Commentary – This hoop snake really seems to enjoy its work.  One has to think that the cloven hooved victim has indeed pooped the poop of fear!  Take a bow.

Beasts On Skates Entry # 10

Beasts On Skates Entry # 10

So call me silly for caring but those are some damn fine buckles you’ve doodled there… I just worry that without a friend to push him, nor any fingers to unlatch said buckles, this could be the first frame in one of those really sad time lapse sequences…

Beasts On Skates Entry # 7

Second Place Beasts On Skates Entry

Haha! Tiny drivable skate cars always funny! My one complaint is with the aquatic and the underground dwelling criss crossed beast genes I’m going to bet he’d need knobby tires on that F’er to utilize it properly.

Judge’s Commentary – The expression on mole rat’s face is so incredibly aloof and conceited, I
crack up each time I scroll by it.

The Mother of all Cows Entry # 8

The Kamadhenu Entry # 8

Man look at how those teets devolve as they move back towards the cow-quarters, genius! Her hooves make her look oddly like a farm accident amputee and those are some freaking impressive delts for someone who just mothers cows in heaven all day!

the Drop Bear Entry # 8

the Drop Bear Entry # 8

Does a Drop Bear poop in the woods? This pic seems to prove it! And he’s freaking enormous! Though i’m a tiny bit terrified to know why it has left his hand smeared in blood… And maybe I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure this joke is supposed to end with him wiping with a rabbit!

The Gougou Entry # 9

The Gougou Entry # 9

Haha, Canadian restaurants, obviously weird as sh*t! Is she sitting on the floor in front of her booth seat? and do you think when they ordered said booths they said “just make ’em womby”.. And while not as fun to look at, if i’m going all you can eat, I’m doing battered and deep fried fisherman vs roasted.

The Ghost Entry # 8

Third Place Ghost

So this artist claims to not know what has transpired in said work. But to me it’s my favorite kind of haunting, a residual, where something so emotionally heavy happens, it stains the space it occupied with a mindless loop of the occurrence. And this was most obviously the first time someone blew a bubble so hard they f’ing swapped dimensions!

Judge’s Commentary

Drugs. This artist was smoking drugs. Good work!

The Loveland Frogmen Entry # 7

The Loveland Frogmen Entry # 7

From an artist that claims they may just have seen said beast as a youngling! Damn me and my lack of Ohio knowings, I feel i should understand, the hat, the rocket and the tomb… unless magically its a plea to put Rocket from the Crypt in the RnR hall of fame… then i totally got it… regardless I want him!

The Questing Beast Entry # 17

The Questing Beast Entry # 17

Oh you know this fancy lad would buy a stuffed monkey! I like to think that somewhere under that vest his monocle and compass chains are connected, and is that a purple velveteen collar, kinda hard to tell in pencils, I suppose it could just be satin, but pretty great regardless!

The Wulgaru Entry # 10

The Wulgaru Entry # 10

So long ago, young me seems to have locked on the thought that all Australians looked like the dude who flew the gyrocopter in Road Warrior… And this dude with his nasty attitude, lanky, seemingly drunken gate and F’d up mouth full of English teeth (or in this case stones) sorta fits the bill just perfectly! Btw I love the lil rocks for knees and elbows!

Judge’s Commentary

The Fosters beer made me giggle, well done!

The Bishop Fish Entry # 9

The Bishop Fish Entry # 9

So I was gonna mention that he looked really sad… but i knew that expression looked really familiar, it’s totally a dog pooping face! It’s a little bit “why is this happening to me?” a little bit “what’s that smell?” and that perfect mix of satisfaction and self loathing. Also the lil worshipers are really cute, I kinda love the green and I’m digging the spirally flow.